**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
