Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
