omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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