oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
