am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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