Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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