Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
