I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
