I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My feet surprised me
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