..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
