i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
