After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
