i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
