Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
