Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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