I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
