the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
