so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I pour the whiskey from now on
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
