WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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