Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
