he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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