Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
