Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
