Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
