the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
how drunk are you?
Several
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
