Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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