ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
