Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
