i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
