we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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