I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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