i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I have post one night stand depression
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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