I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
