i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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