Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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