I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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