you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize