This is not my ceiling
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I currently don't understand fingers.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize