Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
