things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
