Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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