Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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