I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
