Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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