That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
