so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
