Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
