whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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