You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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