just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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