This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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