I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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