1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Small penises have feelings too.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
