there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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