not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
