I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
